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June 22, 2011
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(i crested
       and created lists of foes bested,
friends disinterested.)


have your stake in me—
take it farther than i ever could
and wake me up when you make good.

(i retracted,
       coalesced and reacted silently,
reached back and impacted nobody.)


have your faith in me—
fake it better than i ever could
and shake me out when you make good.
:icontigereverskin:
when you make good. Written June 22, 2011.

I suppose it may not seem finished, but I'm saying it is. I'm sorta tired of wrestling with it.

:)
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:iconyouinventedme:
flow and form mesh perfectly
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:icontigereverskin:
Thank you, sir. Always good to hear from you! :)
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:iconlalight:
*LAlight Jun 25, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I really like the parenthetical stanzas...they add that something extra to it. It does seem unfinished somehow, but I don't think it has anything to do with the length. It just seems like you didn't say all you wanted to say...I'd say, put this one away for a while, but please do wrestle with it again some day. :)
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:icontigereverskin:
I wanted to set those lines apart, so I added the parentheses at the last minute. Ha! And I almost switched the sixth line and the twelfth line right after I submitted it, but I decided it really didn't make much difference. Still, there's a good chance I'll revisit it.

(Thanks for faving it!)

:heart:
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:iconlalight:
*LAlight Jun 27, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Of course, you're welcome. :hug:
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